I’m sitting here in Starbucks (something I will beg forgiveness for later) and beginning to type this post. I don’t really know where it’s going to go, how long it will be or if anyone will ever read it but I have to write it. I wonder do other bloggers ever get that? Something you just have to write down…
- A person’s mind or mindset
- The air or empty space left above the contents in a sealed container.
I was speaking to a good friend last week, about what specifically i’ll not go into but during the conversation she talked about someone needing some “headspace”. This word really resonated with me and made so much sense. Of the the 2 meanings above the first is by far the most relavent I guess, but I much prefer the second definition, the “space in your mind” (or ‘container’ if you like).
My own head has needed such space for quite some time now and I haven’t been capable of taking a step back and giving this enough attention. Do you ever get when you’re head just feels “full to the brim”? Cluttered and crowded, busy and buzzing?
My Dad used to say to me “ach you’re head’s full of wee cars all driving around crashing into each other” how prophetic he was in the end, something he will be as surprised to hear as I am to admit. But that is exactly how it feels sometimes, every little collision distracting enough to take me away from the reality and the life on which my focus should lie. Much more than focus, thats a terrible way to put it. A life I should be enjoying more, loving more, respecting more, thats better.
My life as it stands is a pretty hectic one it has to be said. A young Family, two little boys to forge into respectful, hard working, thoughtful and decent men. My God that sounds huge! A massive responsibility and frankly an almost impossible task to my ears. They are growing up at a lightening pace before my eyes and I’m not too sure I have much knowledge or wisdom to impart to them. “The skills to pay the bills” comes to mind. Thankfully I have help. My beautiful Wife who, despite being one of the hardest working and selfless people I know, manages to make it all look so easy, even though I know it completely knocks the stuffing out of her, she would very rarely let this show. Looking after 2 little Tazmanian devils day in day out. I ought to show my thanks, my passion for my Family and my love a lot more than I do.
On top of this, at the tender age of ‘bloody ancient’ I decide to try and start my own business. I didn’t really mean for this to happen, I keep telling people, but I started blogging about a year and a half ago (oh yes there’s that too!) and I just loved it, the bug was caught well and truly, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this at 7:15am if it hadn’t. The blog is about mostly local food and drink, another big passion of mine. So if you do follow my blog and you’re reading this I’m sure it’s a total mind melt. The food blogging will resume soon, I promise.
A couple of weeks ago was Mental Health Awareness Week and now more than ever am I aware of my own mental health and the importance of looking after it. The state of my mind and my refusal to acknowledge it has had so many negative consequences. A full mind isn’t a healthy one, at least not from where I sit. It’s done me damage over the past while and I’ve damaged others too. Nobody deserving of it in any way, and for that I am ashamed, embarrassed and sorry.
I’m working on getting better, I need to, it has to happen. Spending more time with good people. People who are good to me despite my actions and words. Its tough at times, very tough and every now and again I get a “bury my head in the sand” moment, bad move. I am one hundred percent guilty of this in the past that I could take on any Ostrich out there and win hands down (strange thing to say)
Talking is so important. Interaction, the little moments, the conversations, the glances, the hugs, the smiles, the comfort of being in a safe place but definitely the talking. If it weren’t for a 5 minute conversation I wouldn’t have wrote this (thank you Sinead).
Empty your head and give it some space every now and then folks. You could try meditation or yoga I suppose, but if neither your mind nor your body bend like that I would suggest writing things down because this really, really helped.
(I actually might be back at Starbucks, they do a pretty good flat white).